Tuesday, January 5, 2016

A Letter to the Newbies

Dear New Person,

It’s a new year and I know you made that resolution to get fit. Welcome to my world. I won’t gloat and be smug about the fact that I kept up with my exercise over the holidays. Okay, I might have skipped a few workouts here and there. And yes, if I had a blood test right now, doctors would marvel at my high levels of eggnog, sugar and wine. But other than that, I’m in great shape.

And a little annoyed that I have to put up with all these newbies in my exercise classes.

I drove into the parking lot at Jazzercise on Saturday and guess what?! All the places closest to the building were full. So were the spots in the second row. In fact, I had to park clear in the back and WALK all the way up to the door.

What? You mean, I should do that anyway because every extra step counts? Soon you’ll be suggesting I take the stairs at work instead of the elevator.  

Not only did you take my parking spot, you took my spot in class. I literally can’t even.  

That spot is mine and I HAVE to stand there or I just don’t feel right. If you accidently stand in my spot, I won’t push you aside. Instead, I will glare at you, roll my eyes a lot and sigh heavily.

But don’t let that scare you. If you keep coming to class, I’ll get to know you, which is what happens when we sweat together. Like the TV theme song from Cheers, I like to exercise where everybody knows your name. It gives me a sense of accountability and obligation. I HAVE to show up because they’ll recognize I’m not there! And what will they do without me?! They’ll miss my whining and groaning! And my flawless dance moves!

Just don’t stand in my spot.

And if you are consistent, you’ll see great results.

Remember, we are stronger than our excuses. Unless there’s a BOGO shoe sale. (After all, we are not Superwomen.)

The One Who Stands Near the Left Wall

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